Power Tripping Safeway Security Guard Gets Canned

Dear Dumbass Safeway Security Guard,

In case you don’t understand WHY Safeway fired you, allow me to explain.

I’ll go slow.

I know you always dreamed of being a cop, but you’re a security guard at Safeway.

Interrogating a 4-year-old girl that you allegedly caught eating from a bag of dried apricots and then sticking them back on the shelf without mom or dad seeing … not cool.

Telling the 4-year-old girl’s mother and father that you are pressing charges against her and banning her from the grocery store … not cool.

Getting all testy with parents, making the 4-year-old girl sign a confession, acknowledging that she understands that she has been banned .. NOT … COOL.


Should you have any further questions regarding your shitcanning, kindly stand in line with the rest of the dumbasses and a representative will be with you shortly.


Look Dumbass.

We cannot explain what led a security officer in one of our stores to cite a 4-year old child for shoplifting. We share the parents’ sense of disbelief and outrage that this occurred. Our Division President apologized to the family and the security officer has been fired. Our policies on shoplifting are intended to protect our customers, but they are built on common sense. We are investigating this incident thoroughly to understand how a clear breach of our policy took place, and to determine what further actions are appropriate. — Statement from Safeway on Facebook

  • Anon Y. Mouse

    Safeway has had a few such incidents recently…the couple with the sandwiches, for one.  I’m thinking a policy overhaul and staff retraining might be in order here….